My Uncle Ralph just died.
My mother's brother.
He was one of my favorites.
As a kid growing up you might collide into family who are jerks and don't ever show you that you matter, much less that you have any value to add.
Not with Uncle Ralph.
At least not with me.
He was the type of uncle that was always approachable and easy to talk to. He always listened to what I had to say. No matter how silly, ridiculous or immature at the time.
You always knew where he stood on any given topic. He was funny and quite the character.
I loved him dearly.
Some of you may know my 'story'. The 'story' of why I 'jumped off my life' after 57 years in the same place and then moved out to LA, by myself.
Since, I've gotten comments like:
"How brave of you!". . .
"That took so much courage!". . .
And my favorite came from my Brooklyn friend, my motorcycle buddy, Vinny:
"You got some balls, girl!" – said in his usual Brooklyn-ese.
Curious enough, none of that was what guided me here.
Bravery, courage and 'some balls' may have walked with me in getting me here, but it was not what guided me here.
It was not even a thought in my head that I would have to be courageous, brave and have 'some balls'.
I never even gave it a thought.
I just KNEW I had to do it.
I was certain.
I was without doubt.
That kind of certainty doesn't come along often, but when it hits you, there is no other option but to – DO.
The 'set up' to that certainty, on the other hand, was the process. The steps it took for me to get my shit together and start DOING.
Funny, I always call myself a DOER. But in truth, then . . . I was a procrastinator.
You see, I figured I would get to DOING, after. After 'all-this-other-shit-gets-out-of-my-way'!
You know, perfect alignment.
Ducks in a row.
Straight line to the next place.
But Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. (Ah, Lennon!)
Life IS a box of chocolates! You never know . . . (Freakin' Gump!)
Truth be told, during 2014, without design, I soul searched.
If I could do what I want . . . what I desire . . .fulfill my dreams. . . what would I do? What am I even dreaming of?
So, I day-dreamed about what I dream about.
That had to be a form of doing, no?
I was living life in anticipation.
I could feel myself all justified and in-waiting.
Then, that June of 2014, I got a call that my cousin Michael had died. My Uncle Ralph's boy. His oldest and only boy. It was palpable how broken-hearted my Uncle [especially] was.
My Uncle Ralph was never the same.
Michael and I were two weeks apart in age and, back in the earlier years, we were inseparable – especially during our summer visits.
And now, he was dead.
He was only two weeks older than me!!
Three weeks later, my high school alumni friend . . . dead.
Found out two other alumni friends in that same year . . . you got it . . . dead.
WTF! We're in our 50's!!!
So, usher in September, and my cousin Donna, the sister of my cousin Michael who just died in June . . . dead. (She was younger than me!)
I mean, come on now!
Needless to say my Uncle Ralph and my Aunt Carol . . . well, I don't even think I am an authority to even conjour up feelings much less the emotions to describe here. To IMAGINE what this was and is like?? Suffices to say that anyone who loses a child, much less two children within three months of each other, could only be the ones to give any description, much less explain the emotions that must envelop you. It must be sureal. I know there are far too many of you out there who could describe.
It took my breath away.
It freaked me out.
Then, it pissed me off.
I saw myself like the deer in the movie My Cousin Vinny.
You know, the sweet innocent, unsuspecting, deer Miz Mona Lisa Vito describes:
– Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water . . . bam, a fucking bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. . . .
. . . would you live that life your dreaming about NOW, Lucia? Follow that passion you've been talk-talk-talkin' about?
All I could hear was the sound of fog-horn alarms going off in my head. You know the sound that warning clock makes as it ticks down the timed bomb? Like the in the Fifth Element – (Don't even tell me you've not seen the Fifth Element. . . pah-leezze).
That was it.
Enough day-dreaming about my dreams.
Enough waiting for the right moment.
The perfect straight line.
The perfect, perfect.
The ducks in a row.
Which, by the way, those ducks – they never do 'get in a row'. I mean, think about it. Did you ever see a 'mama' duck line up her ducklings. . . get them all in a row . . . . every last one of them . . . and then . . . GO?
Uh . . . hell no!
She goes, and they follow!
We have certainly mis-used, mis-interpreted, mis-represented that metaphor.
So I got to GO!
Get to gettin'!
Hell – I was more scared of staying!
I had to burn the boats!
"If you want to take the island, you have to burn the friggin' boats!" - Tony Robbins.
This could not be said any better.
This is my FAVORITE metaphor.
Let me explain. . .
If you are going to make a choice to do something, put yourself into a position where failure is not an option. . .
If you are going to choose Life Coaching as a career, Lucia, be serious about it.
Leave your job. . .
Treat everyday like you have nothing. . .
Work everyday to help your clients. . .
Maybe you have money . . .
Maybe you don't. . .
You have to know there is no turning back. Turning back to the norm, the default, the 'comfortable' zone.
No more cushion.
No more excuses.
Well the universe works in mysterious ways now doesn't it.
That vibration thing everybody talks about. (And I will be talking about that very thing a bit more here in weeks to come.)
So, here it comes . . . six months later, I got laid off from my job.
A job that had been sucking the passion right out of me.
A job that, in it of itself, had me questioning myself EVERY DAY.
I am more than that.
So, thank you universe – I got 'set free'.
Burn the boats!
I surrendered to all outcomes.
Burn the boats!
As soon as a worry came up, I 'waited to worry' and then surrendered to the outcome.
Burn the boats!
Obstacle after obstacle. . .
At first, that wasn't easy.
Like trying to write lefty after all these righty years.
But when I realized I was putting WAY more effort in the worry, I had to turn it around.
Do the work.
Everything will follow – (remember those ducks?)
So, I'm out in LA now.
Final destination. . . ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm following my heart.
Following my instinct.
Following what feels right.
Following and trusting [finally] in ME for a change.
This move, this doing, is in honor of my family and friends who's lives got cut too short before they got doing.
For all of those someone's out there who waited and waited and – bam...
My doing is in honor of all of you who are still frozen. Paralyzed with fear that it won't work for you.
That you're not good enough.
Not worthy enough.
That thing holding you back from making a decision. The decision to burn your boats.
After all, it comes down to just that. A decision.
If not now, when?
If not you, who?
If not, why not?
Make the decision that will move you forward.
Click 'Contact' and reach out to me. We'll get on a call and figure it all out.
We will do it, all of it, together. (Remember, it's less scary that way.)
What dreams may come . . . remember that movie?
We are here for you Aunt Carol.
RIP Uncle Ralph. You've definitely left your mark here . . . especially with me.
I'm gonna make you proud.
Much love to you all,
P.S. If any of this resonates with you and you want to get excited about your life, let's hop on a call for a free strategy session for you to get clear with what you want. Reach out to me here and let's do this together. We'll be partners. Pinky swear!