"Change the way you look at things so the things you look at change"
~ Wayne Dyer
One of the most common pieces of advice that you’ll hear from nearly all self-help guru, is that the fastest way to getting what you want, is to find a coach, mentor or role model that can help you achieve your goals and dreams much faster.
Have you heard this before?
Everyone from Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Mary Morrissey, Deepak Chopra, and countless other gurus preach the same advice.
Still, most people don’t have a life coach.
They resist one.
They think that they can “do it on their own” and often aren’t willing to make an investment in themselves.
In my opinion, this is a trap that most people fall victim to and it holds them back from achieving massive success and fulfillment in their lives.
It held me back. . . for years!
If I could go back in time, I would have immediately found a life coach at the start of my journey.
In the long run, it would have saved me stress, angst, heartache, time, and money.
I’m thankful I’ve learned my lessons now, as I have had a life coach and other mentors in my life. (...and when you know better, do better.)
Among some people, having a 'life coach' is about as embarrassing to admit as saying "my eight-year-old isn't toilet trained yet" or "I have an STD”, or [insert another 'embarrassing' thought].
So why am I coming out with it?
The majority of the population has no idea what life coaching is or what they do.
They have no idea what kind of person would even hire a life coach.
Somehow its eaiser to wrap your brain around a 'Sports Coach' (Football, baseball; hockey; track; tennis; golf; swimming... need I go on?).
You may have heard about Vocal Coaches for singers (have you watched The Voice or American Idol lately?)
The list is endless.
And I hope I have you thinking here.
The point. . .
A coach is someone who is on your side and who's goal it to help maximize YOUR full potential in whatever you are looking to achieve.
The 'HOW' shows up after the willingness to want more for yourself is 'surrendered'.
Just get clear on your 'WHY'.
I thought I would share some ‘people’ and some ‘circumstances’ that can use some coaching:
1. You’re stuck. You’re in a rut.
Let’s say you have this decision to make.
Maybe to get married.
Leave your crappy relationship.
Make a geographical change.
Or perhaps go after that big, badass dream of yours.
You’re confused with the voices in your head; the one that tells you “it’s too risky, are you nuts” vs. the one that says “go for it!”
You’re swimming with thoughts of “what if I do it and it doesn’t work” vs. “what if I don’t do it and I regret it”.
You want a guarantee of the outcome.
A life coach will simply tell you the answer!
No, not really.
What a life coach will do is help you dig underneath the thoughts and feelings and “what if’s”, help you discover what’s important to you about your decision or the inability to make a decision, and explore those voices.
Which one is the scared, playing-it-safe inner-critic and which one is your wise, inner intuitive voice?
A life coach won’t make decisions for you, but help you clarify it all.
2. You’re ‘lost’.
Maybe you don’t know what your “thing” is.
Or this big ‘passion’ word everybody is throwing around these days.
Maybe you don’t love your job.
Or you feel like you’re living your life on auto-pilot.
Maybe you just got out of college and don’t love the field you studied in.
Or, your routine as a parent and/or spouse has you unfulfilled, (and let’s not get started on the guilt and negative emotions you probably feel about it all).
Take a breath, you are totally normal and there are boatloads of people just like you.
A life coach will help you sort out what your true personal values are.
Your personal values are your driving force in life.
You may have NO idea what value has had the steering wheel, or you may even think that your values are what you inherited from your family.
Once we define what those values are, you can be clear on what is important to you. Then you can decide how you want to honor those values.
But wait, there's more – as a bonus, you start your path to being fulfilled!
Now, take another breath and just imagine that!
3. You’re unhappy.
If you’re unhappy, you need a change
YOU need TO change. (see the distinction here)
Maybe you just had a breakdown.
Or you feel like you’re about to lose your freakin’ mind!
Maybe you are still working on that weight you want to lose.
You've gained and lost and gained and lost so many times you want to give up for good.
Whichever the case, a life coach can help you through this.
Your coach will help you pinpoint why you’re unhappy.
Many times you think it’s one thing, and most often it's another.
A life coach will help you make changes.
This often directs back to your values.
The majority of the time, people who are unhappy aren’t honoring their personal values, the values that are precious to them are being stepped on or suffocated.
Can you feel me here yet?
Let’s say. . .
You don’t love your job – even if your job is a stay-at-home-mom-or dad – what’s making you unhappy isn’t your boss or your kids.
Somewhere inside of you might have a value connected to ‘purpose’ driven work.
There's longing and discontent.
If you’re not getting it, honoring your personal values, your soul and spirit will cry out.
Your soul and your spirit will suffer.
And they will let you know they’re suffering. (You’ve probably got some physical issues showing up – weight gain; chronic pain shows up – stiff neck; joint issues; muscle cramps; back pain; heart problems; digestive issues; blood pressure issues; the list goes on – your spirit is talking to you!!)
4. You’re happy.
That’s right! I said HAPPY!
So, why would someone need a life coach if they’re already happy? (And Happy as defined only by you and your version of Happy)
This is the one that will make you scratch your head.
This is the perfect time for a life coach!
When you’re happy, and you love where you are in your life, you’re more likely to be open to growth.
You’re more likely to wonder what else is out there for you to reach out and grab.
You are in a better place to be more willing to do the work.
There are many people who are unhappy that are willing to do the work, but being happy can be a wonderful motivator.
This is the hardest one to wrap your brain around, I know.
5. You just got out of a [pick your adjective] relationship.
Maybe you’re looking for some clarity on why some or all of your relationships might be failing.
You’re brokenhearted, or, maybe not-so-much.
Whichever, you’re starting over.
That’s a beautiful place to be.
You have every reason to be excited about beginning again, and on your terms.
So, what are your terms?
How do I avoid another [bad] relationship?
You might not know.
Working with a life coach will help you clarify what you want; why it’s important to you; and what is possible for you (*wink*wink* – everything).
And how you can get it.
You can brainstorm, strategize, explore and clarify.
6. You’re comfortable.
You have your ‘routine’, your comfort zone.
It starts here and ends there.
Any variation of it, and you start to twitch and tick.
We’ve all been there.
It might be one part of your life, or it might be all parts of your life!
And yes, life should be comfortable, but are you having FUN?
Do you have some kind of excitement?
Be truly honest with yourself.
Is it what you dreamed of, imagined and even fantasized about?
If it already is, then may I suggest you haven't dreamed BIG enough!
Life is about growing.
Growing and evolving into your fullest, highest self.
Imagine the possibilities!
Anything is possible, especially if we never give up or settle.
Coaching will support, motivate and push you to step out of your comfort zone.
That mystical place where you know you need to step, but too afraid to do it – alone!
A coach will challenge you to make new magic in your life. Encourage you to stay curious about....well, YOU!
7. You’re scared.
Let’s face it – We’re all scared.
We all live in fear.
We let fear steer the bus.
We fear we might look stupid.
We fear failure.
We fear success.
We fear what people will think.
What people will say.
We fear being alone.
Not being seen.
We fear needing to leave a relationship.
Fear we won’t be loved.
Fear we aren’t enough.
A life coach will hold the space for you to name your fears in a judgement-free zone and give you tools to take action despite your fears.
Changing the way you look and feel about what scares you.
Let me be clear here, you’ll still have fears, you’ll just be able to stand up to them with more courage and not become paralyzed in your life.
Changing your thoughts changes your emotions – the way you feel – which changes your actions and subsequently changes the results you get.
Thoughts – Emotions – Actions – Results
8. You’re done with therapy and thinking,“Now what?”
Therapy and coaching can make a great marriage together and life coaching after therapy can be a perfect self-discovery journey.
Many therapists cross over into life coaching, and if you find someone that does that for you, great.
But, if you feel your relationship with your therapist has run its course, finding a life coach can help you with your “now what?” question and may be just what you need to move forward.
Therapy can help you uncover and heal your issues from the past. It is essential for being able to forgive and move past hurtful experiences.
Life coaches generally don’t need to know your stories of your past.
We’re interested in where you are now and where you want to go.
Help in moving forward.
We generally coach people who are of sound mind and who are well mentally and emotionally.
9. You lack accountability.
You may know what you need to do and what you want to achieve to live a more fulfilled life, but you lack follow through. “No one’s watching, no one’s questioning me”. Or, “I’ll get it done – tomorrow”. (Ah, the land of tomorrow...)
Having a life coach makes you more accountable.
This is one of the biggest reason’s you need a life coach.
The investment in yourself holds you to a standard and you become more accountable to follow through on whatever you’re procrastinating about or stopping yourself from doing.
We all place limits on ourselves.
We all have limiting beliefs and patterns that are holding us back, preventing us from fulfilling our true potential or making our dreams our reality.
When you have a life coach she is there to push you beyond your limits and what you thought was possible.
A breakthrough happens and your entire belief system changes; you take your life to another level.
Not only that, but most of us already KNOW WHAT TO DO… BUT DON’T DO WHAT WE KNOW.
A life coach is someone that gets you to do it.
They’re all about taking massive action.
Only action and results.
Without a coach, you’re only accountable to yourself.
And how’s that workin’ for ya?
When you’re only accountable to yourself, you usually come up with stories and excuses of why you didn’t do it.
And they feel real, don’t they.
Legitimate reason’s why ‘its not my fault’ and ‘here’s why I COULDN’T do it’.
With a coach, none of that shit flies.
Suddenly you’re accountable to another human being, which forces you to show up at a higher level.
10. I have no time. I have no money.
See the top 1-9 reasons above, and let me ask again . . .
How’s that workin’ for ya?
These are the most common excuses that prevent us from committing.
I fell into this fear-hole as well. Money.
But when I thought about it, really thought about what I actually spent my money on and waste my time with, this was a no-brainer.
If not now, when?
I didn’t want the same results I was getting, trying to do this by myself. (The top issue for me was #9…and I freely admit to owning that one.)
Heck, when I really looked at what I WAS spending money on, I was pissed.
Pissed because I realized how much I under-value myself.
Well that ended that day.
That day I proclaimed . . .
“I’m the boss of me and I AM worth it!” (out loud, in front of the mirror and with fire in my belly - really!)
Having a life coach saves you time and gets you faster results.
We keep you on task.
Time is the most scarce resource that exists.
You can always make more money, but you can’t get more time.
Yet, when we attempt to do things on our own we’re taking the long route and wasting that time away.
This is simply because we don’t know the path ahead and what to expect.
One thing is true about all of these reasons above, no matter what you feel, you are not broken, nor do you need fixing.
You are naturally creative, resourceful and whole when it comes to you and your life.
A life coach can help you tap into that and facilitate your growth.
Let me again be clear, life coaches aren’t 'magic bullets', or 'magic pills'. The solution always resides inside of you.
Many times we are so fearful, we can’t hear or see it.
We can’t get out of our own way.
Coaching can help you look at any situation from a different perspective to get you out of that paralyzing fear.
Even after you start to implement strategies and work toward your goals, a life coach’s job is not over.
A life coach needs to be there to help monitor your progress and adjust your strategies when necessary.
There is a lot of encouragement (and sometimes a little 'toughess') needed when early results are challenging.
But if clear and well-thought-out goals have been set, and good strategies have been put in place to implement them, you are more likely to reach your potential once you put your mind to it.